9. Clandestine Operations
by Denise Felt
Summary: When Cmdr. Straker tries to retire, he gets more than he bargained for.


9. CLANDESTINE OPERATIONS  
  
(A UFO Story)  
  
written by Denise Felt  
  
Copyright 2001  
  
ACT I  
  
"Hello, Grace."  
  
For the second time in an hour, Miss Eeland was unnerved. First Sheila Austin, now this. It was just too much for one day. Her hands shook too badly to type, so she put them in her lap. She looked up at the man who she hated more than she ever would have considered her quiet heart capable of, and said calmly, "Good afternoon, Captain. I'm afraid the commander is busy right now. Was he expecting you?"  
  
Lew Waterman hid a grimace at her cool tone. If he hadn't known better, he would have believed that she was as cold-blooded as their illustrious commander. But he did know better. And in spite of all the pain that knowledge had brought him over the years, he was glad that he knew. "He told me just to check in when I got here. There wasn't a specific time."  
  
Miss Eeland tightened the grip of her hands in her lap. "I don't know how long Commander Straker will be, but Col. Freeman is downstairs if you'd like to speak to him." Anything to get him out of her office.  
  
Capt. Waterman said, "That's fine. I'll just check in with him then." Anybody in his right mind would prefer to deal with Freeman than Straker. And if you'd been one of the unfortunate who had suffered a dressing-down by the commander, you did your very best never to find yourself in a similar position. Which usually meant avoiding the man altogether. He headed for the door, but was brought up short when it opened and Col. Freeman walked in.  
  
"Hello, Lew," Alec said before turning to Straker's secretary. He nodded his head toward the inner office and asked, "Is she still here?"  
  
"Yes, Colonel," Miss Eeland answered with a small smile, seeing the speculative look in his eyes. She too was curious about this visit. It wasn't anything that she could put her finger on, but she was certain that something was up. "Did you need to see him?"  
  
Alec shook his head. "I'm just wondering why she's here." And he was worried, too. If she let it slip about that deal three months ago, they were all going to be in hot water with the great man. And best friend though he was, Alec did not relish being on Straker's bad side. He looked at the captain. "Were you waiting to see him, Lew?"  
  
"Yes, sir. I was supposed to check in for reassignment when I got to England. Skydiver 5 is in dry dock for the refitting."  
  
Alec smiled. "Well, you'll miss it, I'm sure. But I can handle that for you. You'll be here at HQ for the duration, won't you? Why don't..."  
  
At that point, Straker's office door opened and the commander emerged, followed by Sheila Austin. He had a firm hold of her hand and did not release it at the sight of the crowd in his outer office. "Alec, you're just the person I wanted to see. I'm going AWOL, and I need you to take over for me."  
  
Freeman took in not only the joined hands, but Sheila's blush as well. He grinned. "How long?"  
  
Straker shrugged, giving Sheila a look before answering. "Two days, Alec." He turned to his secretary. "Miss Eeland, divide up my appointments between Col. Freeman and Col. Foster. We wouldn't want to overload Alec's schedule." This was said with a mischievous twinkle in those blue eyes.  
  
Miss Eeland couldn't keep from smiling back. "Yes, sir."  
  
He turned to the captain. "Waterman, I'll leave you in Alec's hands. He'll put you to work." He gave them a commanding nod and headed for the door.  
  
"Ed," Alec said patiently, "where will you be?"  
  
Straker frowned. "Alec, I'm AWOL. You can't find me. I'm unavailable."  
  
"But what if there's a crisis?"  
  
"Nothing, Alec, will be crisis enough for you to need me. I trust you to handle anything that comes up. Just don't desert your post."  
  
Freeman grimaced, knowing why his commander added that rider. Henderson may be dead, but they were going to be feeling the repercussions of that fiasco for a long time to come. "Too many people have been disappearing lately." He gave his friend a serious look. "For emergencies, Ed."  
  
Straker sighed. "I'm not about to suddenly head off for South America and the like. I'm not even leaving England. And I have my radio. Goodbye." He left the office, still holding Sheila's hand.  
  
Freeman gave Miss Eeland a worried look. "Do I even want to see his schedule?"  
  
"No," she answered, still smiling, "but here it is anyway." She handed him the sheet, and he sighed.  
  
"Well, Lew. Let's see where he wants you for the next few months," the colonel said and led the captain into Straker's office.  
  
Grace put her hands over her face once they were gone. He was going to be at HQ for months?  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
Sheila was lightly dozing when she felt soft kisses moving along her jawline. She opened heavy eyelids and looked into a pair of beautiful blue eyes. "Madeline, help!" she murmured with a smile. "There's a strange man in my bed."  
  
Straker grinned. "I don't think she heard you. You'll have to say it louder."  
  
"I don't think I can. I'll just have to wait until I get my breath back."  
  
He tsked. "Did I do that to you?" he asked solicitously.  
  
Her smile widened. "Yeah." She ran a lazy hand through his hair and sighed. "Have we refreshed your memory any?"  
  
Straker chuckled and kissed her. "I remember a little bit more. But not much. I truly appreciate your efforts, however."  
  
Sheila giggled at his serious tone. When he heard her laughter, he smiled. "We'll just have to try harder next time," she said.  
  
He lifted a brow. "You're trying to kill me."  
  
"I'll let you rest up first."  
  
"Thanks." He toyed with her hair, gazing at it for a long time with complete absorption as if to memorize its look and texture. When he met her eyes again, he was very serious. "I'm terrified," he admitted quietly.  
  
Sheila asked softly, "Why, Ed?"  
  
"I've never been this happy. I'm afraid that I'll mess it up somehow."  
  
Her look was very tender. "You can't. Face it, Straker. You're stuck with me for the duration."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah. Have you ever been bitten by a bulldog?" she asked. When he shook his head, she continued. "They never let go."  
  
He gave her a searching look, then relaxed into a smile. "Are you a bulldog, Sheila?"  
  
"You bet," she promised, putting her arms around his neck and drawing him down for a long kiss. "Ed, I'm glad I make you happy. I was a little worried that you might have some regrets."  
  
He ran a finger over her lips. "Are you kidding? I told you not to be too patient, you know. How can I regret being here with you?" He leaned down to kiss her belly. "And the baby. Do you realize that you're both a dream come true? For so long, it seemed impossible, but lately I've begun to think that I might actually get it eventually. And here we are."  
  
"Here we are," she agreed.  
  
He gave her another searching glance. "Do you have any regrets, Sheila? I mean, you had to cancel your tour and everything."  
  
"Gee, Ed. Let me think. I have the most wonderful man in the world in my bed, and his baby growing inside me. We're going to get married and be deliriously happy for the rest of our lives. But hey! I could be on tour."  
  
He chuckled at her dry tone. "You know what I mean. This was rather a surprise for both of us."  
  
She said, "My only regret is that I assumed that you remembered more than you did."  
  
Straker grinned. "Your approach was certainly... unique. I can assure you that I'll never forget it."  
  
"Well then, it was worth it," she said sassily.  
  
He kissed her into submission, then laid his head on her shoulder with a sigh of pure contentment. Sheila stroked a hand through his hair for a while in silence. Finally, he murmured, "I know what you need."  
  
"What's that?" she asked with a small smile.  
  
"A ring."  
  
She was surprised enough to stop stroking his hair. "Wow!" she murmured. "That sounds awfully permanent."  
  
He looked up at her with a grin. "Doesn't it, though? What kind of ring would you like, Sheila?"  
  
"I don't know. Maybe you should pick it out."  
  
He shook his head. "You'll find something that you like. We'll go in the morning. First thing."  
  
Sheila corrected him. "After breakfast, Ed."  
  
Straker hid a grimace. He usually skipped breakfast altogether. "Of course."  
  
* * *  
  
Grace Eeland let herself into the house with a sigh. It was always good to get home after a long day. And today she needed the quiet peace of her little home more than ever. She kicked off her shoes and headed into the kitchen. While dinner was preparing, she considered her options. She could ask Commander Straker for a vacation, but she wasn't due for one for a few months yet, and he would surely wonder why she needed it now. And things were looking so promising between him and Sheila Austin. She couldn't leave just when life was getting interesting.  
  
A long term, unspecified illness was discarded for the same reason. Which left avoidance. It had served her well in the past, but then Lew hadn't been at HQ often. It had been easy to keep from seeing him. But if he was going to be at the studio for months, she wasn't sure that mere avoidance would be enough. And it shamed her that she needed some barrier between them. After nine years, you'd think the wound would have healed. Or at least scabbed over.  
  
But seeing him today had shown her quite clearly that time had neither healed nor sealed the hurt. It was still openly bleeding. Damn, she hated being such a fool!  
  
She ate her dinner in the windowseat, ignoring the gleaming dining table from long habit. The sight of her garden in bloom soothed her somewhat, and she let the flowers distract her from her dark thoughts. There were the lilacs that she and her mother had planted that first year, cheerfully announcing the commencement of warmer weather. Grace sighed. Her mother had been gone these thirteen years, but the pain of that loss still caught her unexpectedly at times. Especially when she was feeling down.  
  
How much her mother had loved this little house! Grace remembered the fun they'd had looking and then finding their perfect house. They had chosen well, she thought now. It was still the perfect house. So many momentous events had taken place here. Her mother had passed quietly away in her sleep here, back in the corner bedroom that she had loved so much. And Grace had lost her heart and her innocence in her own small bedroom down the hall one fateful night nine years ago.  
  
She got up from the windowseat and put her dish in the sink. Tonight she was working on new curtains for the back room, and she cut and measured the lace carefully, blocking out all thoughts of the past. But as she hemmed the curtains, her fugitive thoughts returned to remind her how she had come to be here, in this house and in this line of work.  
  
Grace smiled as she remembered that typing room where all the applicants had been herded. They had been carefully weeded through until only the fastest and the most accurate typists had been left. Still, there were twenty of them in the room when Commander Straker had entered to speak with the lieutenant in charge. He had seemed disconcerted at how many of them were still in the running, and Grace had quickly realized that the weeding process had been to find him a suitable secretary. She had taken one look at that calm, authoritative face and decided that if she had anything to say about it, his new secretary would be her.  
  
He had given quiet instructions to the lieutenant, and they had been told to get out their steno pads. The lieutenant had then dictated a long letter to them while the commander wandered around the room, checking on their progress. From the corner of her eye, Grace had seen more than a few of the girls try to catch his attention. And although his face remained calm every time it happened, she was certain that they had just nixed any chance they had of ever being his secretary. Surely they could tell that he wasn't the kind of man you toyed with?  
  
After the dictation, they'd been told to type up the letter as quickly and accurately as possible. The commander continued to wander the room, looking over shoulders and walking down the aisles. It had been very unnerving, but Grace had been careful not to let him see that his silent perusal bothered her in any way. When the final typewriter ceased, he had gone to the front of the room and spoken again to the lieutenant. The man had looked surprised, but had recovered swiftly and turned to the girls. He had told them to tear up the letter and start again.  
  
There had been the sound of several loud gasps in the room and one sheet of paper being torn in two. A single typewriter immediately began to retype the letter, then reluctantly several more began to type once more. But the commander smiled. He had found his secretary.  
  
She had known that it was a test, but he had only explained to her later what the test had been about. As the commander-in-chief, he would often be called upon to give orders that needed to be followed immediately and without question. Any hesitation could mean the deaths of thousands. He had wanted to ensure that in his secretary at least, he would have the unthinking loyalty that did not ask questions.  
  
And she never had, no matter how much she had wanted to.  
  
Like in the case of Sheila Austin, she thought. She had known, no matter how he had tried to hide it, that he had been in love with Col. Austin. Just seeing them together in the same room had been enough to give them away. The involuntary looks that were exchanged; the careful avoidance of any physical contact. Grace had hurt for both of them, quite aware of the impossibility of the situation. When Sheila had been captured, the commander had shut himself in his office for days, not doing any work and not speaking to anyone. He had eventually pulled himself out of it and gotten back to work, but Grace had secretly been relieved that Sheila had died. The road they'd been headed down would have destroyed them both, and she for one had dreaded witnessing their fall.  
  
When Sheila had come to the office last year, Grace had been stunned speechless. But after she had departed with the security guard, the commander had come out of his office and explained things to her. Grace had been grateful, since she hadn't known what to say or how to ask. She was aware from the phone bill records over the past six months that he'd remained in contact with her, but today had been a surprise nonetheless. Grace wasn't sure what it meant that her workaholic boss suddenly dumped his workload and took off for two days, but it didn't take too much intelligence to know how he intended to spend his small vacation. She only hoped that things would work out for the two of them. She had never liked the fairy tales without happy endings.  
  
* * *  
  
"Shall I make up the bed in your quarters?"  
  
Alec looked up from the report he was reading to see his wife standing in front of the HQ desk. Her small hands were on her hips. He glanced over at Foster. Paul quickly turned away to hide his grin. "I'm just finishing up here, Dee," Alec said.  
  
"Do you even know what time it is?" she asked him. "We were only going to stop in for a minute when we got back today. It's nearly tomorrow, and I'd like to see my bed before then."  
  
Alec glanced at his watch and frowned. Was it really that late? "Okay. Let me get through this stack and we'll go."  
  
Paul came over to Dee Freeman and put a casual arm around her shoulder. "Look, Alec," he said. "If you're going to be a while yet, why don't I just take your wife home for you?"  
  
Col. Freeman gave him a hard look and got up from behind Straker's desk. As he came around the desk, Paul edged back toward the drink dispenser with spread hands. Alec put his arm around his wife, saying, "It's amazing how many wolves there are around here. Let's go home."  
  
Dee winked her thanks as they left the office.  
  
Paul laughed.  
  
When they got to Alec's apartment, he went to get a shower while Dee started the unpacking. The message light was blinking on the answering machine, so she listened to the many messages as she put clothes and toiletries away. Most of them were congratulations and invitations to upcoming get-togethers. One was from their real estate agent, letting them know that he'd found a house that might suit them. Dee smiled, thinking how much Alec would grumble at house shopping. He hated change so much, the dear. Then the next message came on, and she stopped smiling.  
  
"Hi, Alec! It's Trixie. Listen, hon. You haven't called me in quite a while, and I know that's just not like you. You are a man that likes his sugar. So I was wondering if maybe you were in the hospital or dead or something. And I'm sure if you were, you'd let little Trixie know, wouldn't you? Say, Rachel said that Michael told her that you got married recently. Well, hon. Don't worry about nothing! You know that doesn't matter to me. You just give me a call anytime, okay? Bye!"  
  
She turned to see her new husband standing in the bathroom doorway, looking incredibly sexy in just a towel. He had entered the bedroom in time to hear the tail end of the last message, which gave him just enough warning to duck when the hairbrush whizzed past his head.  
  
"Dee!"  
  
  
  
ACT II  
  
"Good morning, Grace. Is Col. Foster in yet?"  
  
She took her hands off the keyboard and turned to confront Capt. Waterman. Why did he have to be the image of every girl's dream? "No. But then, he didn't leave until late last night. Did you have an appointment?"  
  
He leaned against her desk and crossed his arms. "Yes. He's supposed to brief me on what Commander Straker wants done on Moonbase."  
  
Grace's heart leapt into her throat. "You're going to Moonbase?"  
  
He looked at her closely, surprised by the alarm in her voice. "We've got the interceptors back, and the bays will be completed soon. It won't be so bad. Why? Are you concerned for me, Grace?"  
  
She flushed. "Of course not." Stupid, stupid, stupid! "I had just assumed that you would be at HQ for a while, that's all."  
  
He was amazed that she wouldn't meet his eyes. Good God! Did she give a damn about him after all? She hid her feelings so well that he'd never been sure that he had mattered to her. And the arctic blast he had received from her the day after their one glorious night together had made him rethink things and quickly. It still hurt to remember how excited he'd been to see her and how hurt he'd been to get the brush-off. But if she cared...? Maybe time had mellowed her. He leaned closer. "I'll be back in a week, if you're interested. Maybe we could get together. Go see a movie or something."  
  
Grace stiffened. "I don't think so, Captain." She was saved from finding something sufficiently innocuous but still venomous to say by the opening of the door.  
  
Col. Foster entered. "Hi, Lew. Miss Eeland." He pushed the button for Straker's office door. "Give me a minute to get situated, then we'll head out. Okay?"  
  
"That's fine," Waterman answered. As the Colonel disappeared inside the office, Lew turned back to Miss Eeland. She sat with her hands in her lap, looking calmly back at him. She was a quiet woman; it had been one of the things that had attracted him to her in the first place. But he was aware that still waters ran deep, and he was finding it impossible not to test these waters again. Especially if he had misread something all those years ago, and she had really cared for him after all. "Do you still collect Beatrix Potter characters?" he asked softly.  
  
Her beautiful eyes dilated in shock. She had almost the entire set of figurines. Her mother had bought one for her each year as a child. They stood along a display shelf in her bedroom. Lew had teased her about them that fateful morning before he had left, saying that he never would have guessed that she was a romantic beneath her practical exterior. Grace couldn't believe that he was bringing that up. As if nothing had happened between that morning nine years ago and now. As if he hadn't proven what a cad he was before she'd even gotten to work that day. As if he hadn't torn her heart into shreds. "How dare you!" she said fiercely, trembling with outrage.  
  
He was startled by her vehemence. "Grace, what is it?" he asked. "What did I say?"  
  
She calmed herself with an effort. Damn him! Nine years he had gone without a word, not even trying to justify himself or his actions. And now this, out of the blue, barely three days since he'd returned to HQ. What kind of game was he playing? And did he honestly think she'd be willing to go another round with him? She turned back to the computer keyboard and typed furiously, ignoring him altogether.  
  
Lew stared at her back for a long moment, trying to sort things out. What had she meant by that outburst anyway? He'd been asking about Beatrix Potter, for God's sake! It wasn't as if he'd been asking who she was sleeping with these days. He wouldn't have asked that in any case. He certainly didn't want to know. What had he said to upset her so much?  
  
As Paul came out of Straker's office, Lew noticed that most of what Grace was typing on her computer terminal was gibberish. He caught his breath. Damn, she was a cool one! Letting him think she had dismissed him, when in fact she was completely flustered. As he headed out the door with the colonel, he leaned over the desk and said softly, "You have permission spelled wrong."  
  
He didn't need to see her face to know that she'd heard him. The sudden stilling of her hands on the keyboard was enough. Lew grinned as he followed Paul out of the office.  
  
* * *  
  
"The mice have kidnapped Madeline and are holding her for ransom."  
  
"Hmmm," Straker answered, not looking up from his coffee.  
  
Sheila put her elbows on the breakfast table and rested her chin on her hands. "Ed, my darling, my beloved," she said.  
  
He looked up with a frown and noticed her patient expression. "Did I miss something?"  
  
She shrugged. "I just said that the mice have kidnapped Madeline."  
  
His brow cleared, and he chuckled. "I'm sorry. My mind was wandering."  
  
Sheila shook her head at him. "If that's the state you're reduced to after sex for two days straight, what will you be like a year from now?"  
  
Straker grinned wickedly. "Good question."  
  
Her smile dimmed after a moment. "What's wrong, Ed?"  
  
He glanced swiftly at her. "Nothing. I guess I'm finding it hard to get my mind back on schedules and deadlines. You've ruined me, you know."  
  
"Well, it's a good thing that you're taking some time off then, isn't it?" she asked. "Maybe when we get back from the honeymoon, you'll be ready to look at work again."  
  
He smiled, but did not venture a comment.  
  
After a few minutes, Sheila said, "Ed, can I ask you a personal question?"  
  
Straker said, "You see that ring? That ring gives you the right to ask all the personal questions you want. What did you want to know?"  
  
She admired the beautiful diamond on her finger. They had spent such a wonderful time together the other morning looking at rings. And Ed had been right. She had found one that she dearly loved in the third store they'd gone to. But when she'd realized that the wonderful stone was real and not zirconia, she'd gulped and looked at another display. But Ed would have none of that. He had asked for the ring and slid it on her finger with such an expression in his gorgeous eyes! She had known when she was beaten and had bitten her tongue when he handed over his credit card. She sighed now and asked, "How many lovers have you had?"  
  
He looked sharply at her. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"Will you tell me?"  
  
"Of course. I've had three lovers."  
  
Her eyes gazed seriously at him. "Including me?"  
  
He nodded. "Including you."  
  
She played with her butter knife. "Ed, how much do you remember about that day when you were ill?"  
  
Straker frowned. "What is it, Sheila? What's bothering you? Did I say something that day that worries you?"  
  
"No, Ed. It's just... you have a certain image of yourself that you carry around inside. You don't really question it. It's just how you perceive yourself to be."  
  
"I'll agree with you so far," he said cautiously, wondering where this was headed.  
  
She looked up at him sadly. "I've always thought of myself as a virgin, Ed. I realize that I don't really know what I was like before, because I don't remember. But surely the essence of me wouldn't have changed, would it? And somehow I can't imagine having another lover. Or several, as the case may be."  
  
His heart was pounding, and he forced the words out. "What are you saying, Sheila?"  
  
"I went into that hospital room that day certain that I was a virgin. When I left, I knew better. You weren't my first lover, Ed. And I'm not sure how to deal with that." She gave him a long look. "Does it bother you?"  
  
He swallowed. "No, Sheila. Why should it? It's much more important to be your last lover than your first."  
  
She gave him a small smile. "Do you really feel that way, or are you just trying to make me feel better?"  
  
He got up and came around the table to her, taking her hands in his. "Whatever happened in the past is over, Sheila. We can't change it, so we shouldn't brood about it. Having your love gives me more joy than I thought I would ever experience in one lifetime. Why mar that with worries about the past? You're mine now, and that's all that matters to me."  
  
She came into his arms with a deep sigh. "I don't deserve you, you know," she said mistily.  
  
He held her tightly and said nothing, knowing that anything he could say would only make things worse for her.  
  
* * *  
  
"Trouble?" Paul asked, glancing at Lew's frowning profile as they headed for the airport.  
  
The captain stirred and met his friend's eyes. "Women!" he said in disgust.  
  
"Ah, the oldest trouble in the world!" Paul said with a grin.  
  
Lew chuckled. "Just once, just once, I'd like to be able to figure one out. Hell, sometimes I wonder how the human race has even survived all these centuries. Is there a special codebook somewhere that only the privileged get to read that explains feminine thinking processes?"  
  
Foster laughed. "Sorry, that's classified information."  
  
"Very funny."  
  
"So you've been in London what? Three days? And you already have woman trouble." Paul shook his head. "You're slipping, Lew. That's all I can say."  
  
Lew grinned, but soon became serious once more. "Paul, have you ever been in love? I mean, the real thing and not just good old fashioned lust?"  
  
"Hey, don't knock good old fashioned lust! It makes the world go round."  
  
Waterman persisted. "Have you?"  
  
Paul's cheeky grin faded. "Yeah. And it hurts like hell."  
  
"That's the one!" Lew agreed.  
  
Foster gave him a look. "You're in love, Lew? Is she someone I know?"  
  
Waterman sighed. "It's gotta be love, doesn't it? When it just won't go away?" He glanced at his friend. "I miss her, Paul. I do my work, I party when I have the chance, and I pretend that nothing else matters. But every time I come back here, every time I see her, I know I'm just marking time until she forgives me for whatever I did to make her mad."  
  
Paul grunted. "And no one can hold a grudge like a woman!"  
  
"But how do I make things right between us? I don't even know what I did wrong! And she certainly won't tell me. She blows hot and cold, and I'm never sure where I stand with her. Hell, I don't even know if she cares about me at all!"  
  
"You'd know if she chose someone else," Paul said grimly.  
  
Lew looked at him in concern. "Is your girl with someone else, Paul?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Man, that bites. I'm sorry."  
  
Foster shook his head. "The worst thing is, he's much better for her than I am."  
  
Lew considered. "I don't think my girl's seeing anyone else. At least, not that I know of. I'm not asking for so much really. I'd just like to have a normal conversation with her, you know?"  
  
Paul nodded. "Have you tried flowers?"  
  
"Flowers? You mean, like a peace offering?"  
  
Col. Foster shrugged. "Works for me. At least, most of the time."  
  
Lew thought for a moment. "That might just work, Paul. Thanks."  
  
"Sure. Do you want me to take care of it for you?" They had arrived at the airport terminal.  
  
"No. I've got a better idea. You know where I keep my spare key, don't you?"  
  
"To your apartment? Yeah."  
  
Lew said, "Would you pick up something for me later on?"  
  
Paul grinned. "You mean, play cupid? Anytime. What do you want me to get?"  
  
* * *  
  
"I don't find this an acceptable reason for retiring, Commander." General Shaw tossed Straker's resignation aside and leaned back in his chair.  
  
Straker compressed his lips. "Surely you must see how impossible it would be to marry her as things stand. The security angle alone should be enough reason."  
  
"I think she should be brought back and reinstated, Commander. That would effectively deal with any security risk, don't you think?"  
  
Straker gasped. "You can't!"  
  
Shaw lifted his brows. "Why not? Her memory loss should not prove too difficult to handle. I'm certain that she can be retrained. Where is the problem?"  
  
"Jackson will never pass her psych evaluation."  
  
"You leave Dr. Jackson to me. Come, Commander. You're not worried about her mental health, nor are you concerned with her loss of memory. What is the real reason you don't want her to return to SHADO?"  
  
Straker sighed and ran a hand through his hair. How could he explain the throat-clutching fear that gripped him when he thought of bringing Sheila back to HQ? He had lost her once. What if it happened again? Ever since Laura's death, he had been increasingly aware that a split second could make the difference between being happy and being alone. How could he ever hope to adequately protect her? "She was hunted, General, for years before she came to SHADO. Being there only made it worse. I don't want to put her back in danger."  
  
Shaw nodded. "I see. But would she be any safer as your wife?"  
  
Straker grimaced. "If I take her away somewhere safe. If I break all contact with SHADO and disappear."  
  
"You intend to fall off the face of the earth?" the general asked.  
  
"Something like that."  
  
Shaw shook his head. "Unacceptable. Listen, Commander. Haven't things changed somewhat since she was at HQ?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Would you say that our defenses are stronger? That fewer UFOs breach our systems than ever before?"  
  
Straker sighed. "I suppose so."  
  
"She was captured on Moonbase, wasn't she? Well, she's pregnant now, so she won't be going back to Moonbase for a while, will she? Don't you think she'll be safe at HQ?"  
  
"Yes, of course." If he could get her to stay there.  
  
The general spread his hands. "I understand your concerns, Commander Straker. And I realize that your feelings are very strong in this matter, even though they may not be completely rational. However, I cannot allow you to walk away from your duties simply because you're afraid that history might repeat itself. SHADO will adjust to her return. And so will you. I want you to bring her to me this afternoon. I will speak with her and decide at that time whether she will be reinstated or not. Any further questions?"  
  
Straker met those mild brown eyes and accepted defeat. "No, sir."  
  
  
  
ACT III  
  
"What is it, Miss Eeland?" Paul asked as he came into the office. He'd been in the middle of a screenwriters' meeting when he'd been called downstairs.  
  
She got up and followed him into Straker's studio office. "We're at red alert. Two UFOs have been sighted heading toward Earth."  
  
Foster frowned as he sat down behind the desk. "What about the lunar module?"  
  
Grace gasped. "I don't know. Shall I check for you?"  
  
Paul rubbed a weary hand over his face. God! He hated days that started early and ended late. And he'd had too many in a row with the commander gone. Wasn't he supposed to be back sometime today? Paul certainly hoped so. "No, Miss Eeland. I'm heading down there now. I'll check it out. Thanks."  
  
"Yes, sir." She left the office and returned to her desk. But she did not immediately start typing again. Lew was aboard that lunar module. What if something happened to him? She jumped when the phone rang and had to calm herself before answering it. It was one of the other secretaries needing extra forms, and she competently directed them to where they were kept. But inside, she remained a bundle of nerves. Surely he would be alright? Not that she cared, of course. But surely...?  
  
* * *  
  
Sheila was on the phone in the hall when Straker returned to the mansion. She was laughing at something that was being said on the other end and winked at him as he came in the door. "Well, I agree wholeheartedly, Jo. He's absolutely dreamy. And, oh my! Here he is now. Would you like to tell him yourself?" Her dark eyes twinkled merrily at Straker's lifted brow, and she giggled at the frantic response on the other end of the line. "No, I won't. Yeah. Thanks for helping out on such short notice. See you soon. Bye."  
  
She hung up the phone and put her arms around her fiancé for a long kiss. "Mmm, that was nice. And how was your morning?"  
  
He frowned slightly. "Who's Joe? And why does he find me dreamy?"  
  
Sheila gave a gurgle of laughter. "Ed! Jo is a female, and everyone finds you dreamy. It's your lot in life, I'm afraid. You'd better get used to it."  
  
"What's her last name?"  
  
She looked closely at him. "Does it matter?"  
  
"It may," he said. "We had some trouble several years ago with a woman who called herself Jo."  
  
Sheila shook her head at him. "Are you paranoid, or what? Jo is short for Jolena. Jolena Francis. Is that your troublemaker, Ed?"  
  
"No," he said, relieved. He'd been just a bit alarmed at hearing that name. Perhaps he was too paranoid. He had to stop overreacting where Sheila was concerned.  
  
She ran a casual hand through his hair. "What's wrong, Ed?" she asked softly.  
  
"Nothing," he said. "What are your plans for the afternoon?"  
  
"Well," she said, taking his hand and leading him down the hall. "Michael says that he'll have a few sketches for me to look at today. I thought I'd go by and see how they look."  
  
He let himself be led outside and toward the garden. "Are you sure he can do a wedding dress, Sheila? I mean, you might end up in something leather."  
  
She shook her head at him and grinned. "No leather. And no lace either. I made him promise. I'll be damned if I'm going to look like some overdone debutante for my wedding. I thought something more along the lines of satin. You know, cool and elegant."  
  
"Can he do that?" Straker asked.  
  
"Oh, yeah. He's a whizz. Which is why I let him do my outfits for the band. He's the best."  
  
"Would it be alright if I go with you?"  
  
"Of course," she said as she sat on the garden seat. He sat down next to her. "I know it's supposed to be bad luck for the groom to see the wedding dress before the wedding, but I'm not superstitious. Are you?"  
  
He shrugged. "Sometimes."  
  
She laid a slender hand over his. "Ed, talk to me."  
  
He looked quickly at her, but said nothing.  
  
She sighed, squeezing his hand. "You've been grim all day. Something's bothering you. I know it. Won't you tell me?"  
  
He didn't know where to begin. "General Shaw has asked to see you."  
  
She looked searchingly at him, but his eyes were shuttered and gave nothing away. However, he was still holding her hand, and his grip had tightened. "Do you know what he wants?"  
  
"I think so. He's thinking about reinstating you."  
  
"Into the organisation?" She was surprised.  
  
Straker nodded without looking up.  
  
Sheila gazed at him in silence for a long moment. "And you don't want me there, is that it, Ed?"  
  
He glanced quickly at her. "No, Sheila. That's not it at all. At least not the way you mean." He ran a distracted hand through his hair. "I don't know how to explain. I couldn't keep you safe before. You were always taking some foolish risk that could get you killed. I spent so much of the time terrified that I would lose you." He met her eyes. "And then I did."  
  
She lifted a hand to his cheek. "Ed, I don't know what I was like before. So I can't say anything about that. Except that I know two things. One, I didn't have you then. And two, I didn't have a family." She placed her other hand on her belly. "I'm not about to take any foolish risks now. I have too much to live for. Please trust me, at least this far."  
  
He searched her eyes, wanting more than anything to believe her words. "Alright."  
  
She came in close and hugged him. He held her that way for a while, gently stroking her beautiful hair. Then she asked, "Why were you with the general?"  
  
He took a deep breath. "I handed in my resignation."  
  
She jumped up from the seat. "What?"  
  
He sighed. "Shall I repeat it?"  
  
Sheila waved his response away with an impatient gesture. "When were you planning on telling me this, Ed? Or were you?" She whirled away to pace between the rows of flowers, more furious than she would have believed possible. Damn his silence! The man had more locked doors than the Pentagon! She turned back to him. "It's me, isn't it? Because you consider me too much of a security risk."  
  
"No, that's not it," he said firmly. He had known she would take it hard. "Listen, Sheila! I want you to be safe. It just seemed as though the best way to make sure of it was to take you somewhere far away from anything that might endanger you. I had planned on retiring in the next two years anyway, so that we could be together. The baby just shortened that schedule, is all."  
  
She came to him, taking both his hands in hers. "Ed, I can't be responsible for you giving up your work. Do you honestly think I don't know how important what you do is? I was there at that hospital where all your friends were gathered, terrified that you would die. I saw, Ed. I saw how much you mean to the organisation. I don't want you to resign. I don't want you to retire. And I don't want you to feel that you have to do either of those things for me."  
  
Straker sighed. "Shaw agrees with you. He wouldn't accept my resignation."  
  
"Bless him," she said with relief. "I like him already."  
  
He leaned back in the seat and admired her smiling face. "I wonder what he'll think of you?" he murmured.  
  
* * *  
  
Alec returned to Straker's HQ office and threw himself onto one of the chairs. Paul looked up from the report he was reading and asked anxiously, "Any word from the lunar module?"  
  
Col. Freeman shook his head. "Still no contact. Damn it, Paul! That UFO veered off course and went straight for it. What are the chances of them making it to Moonbase alive? It's been far too long. They should have radioed by now."  
  
Foster said, "I was out of contact for much longer than that once, Alec, and I still made it back in one piece. Don't underestimate Lew. He's one of our best. We'll hear from him soon."  
  
"God, I hope so!" Alec rubbed his eyes. "I wish Ed was here."  
  
Paul almost smiled. He didn't bother to point out that Straker's presence would hardly ensure Capt. Waterman's safety. Because he knew what Alec meant. No matter how bad things got, when Straker was around, everyone worried a lot less. "He's due in anytime now, isn't he?"  
  
Freeman nodded. "And won't he be pleased to hear what we've been up to while he was gone? A lunar module with four aboard missing, possibly shot down. Oh, yeah! That'll make his day complete!" He glanced up and saw a package sitting next to Straker's computer terminal. "What's that, Paul?"  
  
Foster looked up. "Oh! I nearly forgot!" He got up from the desk and grabbed the wrapped package, heading for the door.  
  
Alec was confused. "But what is it?"  
  
Paul grinned. "Cupid's arrow."  
  
* * *  
  
"General Shaw is expecting you, Commander Straker," said Miss Scott when they arrived. "Please, go on in."  
  
"Thank you," Straker said and entered the president's office with Sheila.  
  
"By Lilith and her hundred maidens!" the general said softly on seeing them. He rose from behind his desk, his eyes widened to their fullest extent.  
  
Straker's brow lifted. He'd been expecting surprise. After all, Sheila was Rigelian. But the general's reaction far exceeded mere surprise. He seemed stunned.  
  
"Please," Shaw said, "be seated." When they were both sitting down in the comfortable chairs, the general himself sat back down and smiled at them. He said, "Col. Austin, you have a question?"  
  
Sheila was staring at him with a slight frown. "You seem familiar to me," she said. "But I'm fairly sure that we've never met before."  
  
"No, we haven't," he said. "However, we are related. Perhaps that's why I seem familiar."  
  
"Related?"  
  
"Yes. Something along the line of twelfth cousins, I should think. But that's just a guess."  
  
She cocked her head, looking closely at him. "Do you know that just from seeing me? Or did you find it in my records?"  
  
Shaw smiled. "I knew it as soon as you came in that door, my dear. May I show you something?" When she nodded, he got up from his chair and took a photo out of his desk drawer. He came around the desk and stood for a moment, holding it. "Our people faced certain ruin many millennia ago. We were fortunate enough at the time to have a brilliant queen whose daring plan saved our planet. Over time, she has become a symbol of all that is brave and courageous among our people. Many of us carry her image with us as a reminder, rather like many people on Earth carry a rosary or a crucifix." He handed her the photo.  
  
Sheila sat forward in shock as she looked at it. She turned bewildered eyes to Ed and handed it to him. "I don't understand," she told the general. "She looks like me."  
  
Straker's brow lifted as he gazed at the photo. It was unlike any photograph he had ever seen before, nearly three dimensional as though it were some type of hologram. The woman was in a ceremonial robe and headdress, and her expression was serious. But it was Sheila, right down to the twinkle hidden at the back of those dark eyes.  
  
"Her name was Lilith," General Shaw said. "You know, my dear, in all the centuries since her death, there has never been record of a descendent who resembled her. You are unique." Straker handed back the photo, and Shaw continued. "When you go to Rigel, and you really must go, you will be joyously received. Even the queen will kiss your hand." He returned behind his desk and sat down. "Will you take her, Commander?"  
  
Straker frowned. "She's pregnant, General. Hardly in any condition to be traveling so far away."  
  
Shaw spread his hands, his eyes misting up. "Yes, of course. Oh, my dear! They will proclaim a new holiday in your honor. You can have no idea!"  
  
Sheila smiled at him. He was so droll. "Why would they care?"  
  
  
  
"The similarities, my child! The similarities! Lilith too was pregnant when she returned to Rigel." He sighed deeply. "And you have chosen such a husband! Rigel will weep with gratitude, I assure you."  
  
Sheila frowned at Ed. "Is Ed from Rigel too?"  
  
The general shook his head. "No, my dear. He is from Malora, one of Rigel's oldest allies." He smiled broadly at them both and said, "Whenever you choose to come, just let me know. I'll arrange everything for you."  
  
Straker couldn't believe what he was hearing. "She's not going anywhere, General," he said curtly. "How can you even suggest it?"  
  
Shaw blinked at him in surprise, then sat forward earnestly. "No, no, Commander! She will be perfectly safe. No harm would come to her. No Thoelian would dare attack a Rigelian ship. You must come with her. It will be a memorable moment in our history."  
  
Straker said nothing. Sheila looked at his grim countenance and said, "I'll think about it, General Shaw."  
  
"Good." The general pulled a report close and opened it. "Now I suppose we should get down to business, hmmm? How are your computer skills?"  
  
Sheila spread her hands. "Using a computer or building one?"  
  
"Both."  
  
"I know how to use one," she said.  
  
He frowned, checking through several pages of the report. "Do you think you could be trained to work with them again?"  
  
"I don't see why not."  
  
He smiled at her. "Good. Very good. Do you hold a current pilot's license?"  
  
She bit her lip. "I'm... in the process of getting one."  
  
He leaned forward. "And how close are you to having it?"  
  
Sheila looked at Ed, then back at the general. "I've had some trouble finishing. I'm afraid of flying."  
  
This statement seemed to stun both men for a moment. Then Shaw asked mildly, "Is that because you remember your crash, my dear?"  
  
"I believe so," she answered.  
  
"Then why are you even going for it?" the general asked.  
  
Again she looked at her fiance before replying. "I wanted to get it so that I could work for Ed again."  
  
Straker swallowed, but General Shaw said, "If I told you that you would be coming back as a computer technician, not as a pilot, would you still try for your license?"  
  
Sheila considered him for a moment. "Do you mean that? Is that what I'll be doing?"  
  
"Yes. I've been told that you were very good at it."  
  
"I see." She thought for a few minutes, then said, "I would still go for the license, General. I can't bear to let fear stop me."  
  
He nodded. "Well then, my dear. Good luck. And welcome back."  
  
She stood when Ed did and shook the general's hand. "Thank you, General Shaw." She slid a glance toward Straker. "For everything."  
  
Shaw grinned, realizing that the commander must have mentioned his abortive retirement attempt to her. "Anytime, my dear."  
  
  
  
ACT IV  
  
When Grace returned to her desk, she found a gift-wrapped package sitting on her blotter. She had gone to the restroom to refresh her makeup. She had fought back tears several times in the past few hours. It was horrible not knowing if those aboard the lunar module were alive. She was glad that the commander wasn't here. He would have found her a poor secretary today. When she saw the package, she sat down and just looked at it. Her brain was so tired of chasing itself in circles that she couldn't get it to think properly. Where had this package come from? It looked old, and she frowned as she checked it over. The wrapping paper had faded to a universal blur, and the small envelope on top was yellowed with age. What was it doing on her desk?  
  
Cautiously, she removed the envelope and opened it. The card inside had not faded as badly. It had a picture of pansies on the front. Her favorite flower. She looked inside and nearly dropped it. It read: For my practical romantic. Lew. It was from Lew? But how? And why had he written it in such terms? As though they were lovers. As though she were his. Her mind whirled madly, but she could make no sense of it. And she wanted to cry again.  
  
She looked up and saw Col. Foster coming out of Straker's office. He grinned when he saw her.  
  
"Hey, Miss Eeland. I was hoping you hadn't left yet. Lew asked me to give you that." He came up to the desk and frowned. "Haven't you opened it yet? I've been dying to know what it is." He ran a finger down the side of the package. "I dusted it off before I put it on your desk. It must have been on that shelf in his closet forever."  
  
Grace's throat had a tendency to want to lock up, but she managed to ask, "He wanted you to give this to me?"  
  
"Yeah. So what is it, do you think?"  
  
She said, "I don't know." Her hands shook as she parted the wrapping paper. As she undid it, she caught glimpses of the original colors of the paper. It had once been covered with pretty lilacs and pansies. She ran a hand over the wrapping paper, wondering why he had given her a gift. And when he had gotten it. She opened the lid of the plain box under the gift wrap and lifted out the tissued bundle carefully. Her heart was pounding painfully against her ribs as she unwrapped it. Then she gasped, her eyes filling up with tears as she uncovered the figurine. She ran a shaking finger down the duck's bill and felt her heart breaking all over again.  
  
Paul Foster frowned. "It's a duck," he said, obviously disappointed.  
  
"Yes," she said softly. "It's Jemima Puddle-Duck, one of Beatrix Potter's characters."  
  
He looked at her. "Do you like it?"  
  
She gave him a beautiful, if watery smile. "It's wonderful."  
  
"Oh. Good." He grinned with relief. He wasn't sure why she would have preferred some duck to a dozen roses, but evidently Lew knew what he was doing. He left the office feeling as though he'd done a good deed for the day. And kept to himself his amazement at the thought of Lew and Miss Eeland together.  
  
* * *  
  
"You're very quiet." Straker glanced over at his fiancé as he drove toward the studio.  
  
She stirred from her contemplation of the passing scenery and met his eyes. "Did you know, Ed?"  
  
He didn't pretend to misunderstand. "That you were alien? Yes, Sheila. I knew."  
  
"And you too," she said. "It seems so strange."  
  
He saw her hand stroke her stomach and swallowed painfully. "Does it bother you?"  
  
She looked at him. "I don't know. It just... I have to adjust. I feel as though my entire view of things has shifted to the extreme left all of a sudden."  
  
He nodded. "It'll get easier over time. You may actually get used to it eventually."  
  
"Have you?"  
  
He slanted her a look. "Let's just say that I'm working toward that day."  
  
She grinned. "He's quite a character, isn't he?"  
  
"Shaw?" Straker chuckled. "I must admit that I find myself liking him in spite of myself."  
  
"He reminds me of you," she said unexpectedly.  
  
"Me?" he asked in surprise.  
  
"Yeah. Or more accurately, of how you'll be in another twenty years. After you've mellowed some."  
  
He lifted his brow at her, and she laughed.  
  
"Ed," she asked after a while, "who are the people who abducted me? They aren't Rigelians, are they?"  
  
"No. They're Thoelians."  
  
"Thoelians?" She remembered the general's comment about them and said, "I see. You know," she said after a moment, "I'd like to hear more about Lilith."  
  
Straker smiled. "So would I."  
  
She turned in the seat to look at him and asked, "Will you take me to Rigel someday?"  
  
He gave her a look. "Sheila, you have no sense."  
  
She chuckled. "I knew you'd spoil the party. Don't you want to have a holiday in your honor?"  
  
Straker pulled her closer to him, keeping one hand on the wheel. "Maybe someday," he conceded.  
  
* * *  
  
"Good afternoon, Miss Eeland," Straker said as he came into the office.  
  
"Commander Straker!" Grace said in surprise.  
  
He frowned, taking in her shocked look and reddened eyes. "What is it, Miss Eeland?"  
  
She pulled herself together. "It's good to have you back, sir. Hello, Col. Austin."  
  
Sheila thought she looked like she'd been crying. "Hello, Miss Eeland. What a lovely figurine! May I see it?"  
  
Grace nodded. "Of course."  
  
Sheila carefully picked up the Beatrix Potter duck and smiled at it. "This is beautiful workmanship. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. Is there a collection of them?"  
  
"Yes," Miss Eeland said. "I have the entire set now. This was the last one."  
  
Sheila set it back down on the desk. "Wherever did you find it?"  
  
Grace blushed. "It was a gift."  
  
Sheila said, "A very nice gift, apparently. From someone who knows you well?"  
  
Miss Eeland's blush deepened. She turned thankfully to the commander when he asked, "How is everything, Miss Eeland?"  
  
"We have a lunar module that has lost radio contact. It was attacked on its way to Moonbase, sir."  
  
Straker sighed. "The pilot?"  
  
"Capt. Waterman."  
  
Sheila looked closer at the secretary. Her tone had been just this side of calm, and it made Sheila wonder. "Do you want me to wait here, Ed?" she asked him, quite willing to spend more time talking to his secretary. She sensed a romance in the air.  
  
"No," he replied. "We'll go together. Thank you, Miss Eeland."  
  
"Yes, sir." She watched as Straker took Sheila's hand to go into his office and noticed the diamond on her finger. "Commander?"  
  
He turned to her. "Yes?"  
  
Grace smiled at them. "Congratulations."  
  
* * *  
  
Sheila made no comment beyond a raised eyebrow when Straker's office descended the several levels to SHADO HQ, but when she saw the sign on the wall past the guards, she gave a small gasp and reached out to touch it. She looked at Straker with misty eyes and said, "The man in the shadows."  
  
He smiled and laid a soft kiss on her hair.  
  
"Sheila!" said Lt. Ford in shock when they entered the control room. He would have grabbed her for a hug, but the commander had her firmly against his side. So Ford merely grinned at her.  
  
"Hello," Sheila said to him, not knowing his name. Amnesia could be so frustrating, she thought.  
  
Straker came to her rescue. "I believe you know Lt. Ford, Sheila. What is the status of the lunar module, Lieutenant?"  
  
Ford said, "Still no contact, sir. Col. Foster's in your office."  
  
"Thank you," Straker said and led Sheila to the doorway of his office just as Paul came out.  
  
"Sheila!" Paul grinned at the sight of her under Straker's arm. "It's good to see you here."  
  
She smiled. "Thank you, Paul."  
  
He gave Straker a look. "And about time too." Then he walked off down the corridor.  
  
* * *  
  
Alec came up to her later as she stood in the control room studying the radar. "How are you doing?" he asked quietly.  
  
Sheila turned to him. "Fine. It's a little disorienting, though."  
  
He said, "Let's get a cup of coffee." They went to the cafeteria. Once they were both settled with their cups, he said, "Are you remembering things?"  
  
She shook her head. "It's not like that. It's more like impressions. I'll look at something and think, that's right or that's in the wrong place. It's as though there are several layers of gauze between me and what my mind knows, and I can never get through all the layers."  
  
"And the picture's fuzzy."  
  
"Yes." She smiled at him. "I do remember you. Perhaps not very well, but I have a strong impression of you in my mind and the knowledge that I liked you."  
  
Alec winked at her as Straker came into the cafeteria. He laid a hand over hers on the table and said, "Well, I still think it's lousy that Ed stole you. You were my girl, you know."  
  
Straker put a hand on her shoulder, but did not sit down. His serious blue eyes held a fugitive twinkle. "Is that so, Alec? I wonder what Delores would have to say about that?"  
  
Alec snatched his hand back as though burned and lifted both in defense. "God, Ed! Don't say anything to Dee!"  
  
His friend raised a brow at him. "Getting into trouble already?"  
  
Freeman ran a hand over his eyes. "It wasn't my fault! I was completely innocent."  
  
"That I don't believe," Straker said so dryly that Sheila laughed.  
  
"It's true," Alec asserted. He turned to Sheila. "Do you throw things?"  
  
She grinned. "Not even when I want to."  
  
He grunted. "You've got to meet my wife."  
  
"What did she throw at you, Alec?" his old friend asked. "A vase? A skillet?"  
  
Freeman grimaced. "A hairbrush. And before you laugh, she's got a killer aim."  
  
Straker grinned. "It hit you?"  
  
"Well, no," he admitted with a frown. "But it was a close thing."  
  
Sheila patted his hand. "Now I know I like you."  
  
* * *  
  
It was after midnight when Straker entered his office. Sheila was there, running a hand over the light mural on the wall. "You can go on home, Sheila," he said, laying a stack of reports on his desk. "I need to stay until we hear something one way or the other, but there's no reason for you to lose sleep as well."  
  
She shook her head. "I don't mind. I like being here. This place gives me a good feeling inside. I know it's just impressions from when I was here before, but I'm enjoying basking in the glow."  
  
He ran a hand down her hair. "Aren't you tired?"  
  
"A little. But I'm not ready to call it a night." She turned back to the mural. "I remember this," she said. "It meant a lot to me, I think."  
  
Straker frowned. "Why do you say that?"  
  
She looked at him. "Well, because I see it in my nightmares, not my dreams. And it's such a clear memory. I think I must have concentrated on it when I was being tortured or whatever. It has that kind of an association in my mind. I didn't realize it was real. I've always thought of it as my own personal rainbow." She smiled softly and looked at him.  
  
He gazed somberly back at her, saying nothing.  
  
Her smile dimmed. "What is it, Ed?"  
  
He closed his eyes on a sigh. "Sheila, what do you think it does to me to hear you speak of such things? It was bad enough when I thought you were dead. But you're alive. And I'm glad. But now I'm left to deal with all that you suffered at their hands. And I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't." He turned away.  
  
"It happened, Ed. Would you have me pretend it didn't?"  
  
"No, of course not," he said. "But why can't you just let it go? We don't ever have to look back if we don't want to. We've got such a wonderful future ahead of us! Why can't we focus on that instead?"  
  
She gazed into his eyes for a long moment, then looked away. "I guess I just didn't realize. I assumed that you kept me from yourself, SHADO, everything else because you were afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle knowing the truth about the past. But that wasn't it at all, was it? It's you who can't handle the past, Ed."  
  
"Sheila," he said desperately, reaching out to stroke a hand down her arm.  
  
Her smile was sad. "It's not going to go away, Ed. And who will I turn to when the memories come flooding back? Will you be there for me?"  
  
"Yes," he promised, pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly. "I will. I just need some time. Let me show you what it's like to be happy, Sheila, before we have to look at the pain. I need to know... I need to be sure that it won't overwhelm us."  
  
She closed her eyes and hugged him back. "Okay," she said, knowing that it wasn't.  
  
His phone rang, and he released her to answer it. "Straker. All of them? Good. No. Not if they need medical attention. I'll speak to him in the morning. Thank you, Lieutenant." He put down the phone and turned to her. "The lunar module crashed onto the surface and got through to Moonbase. They're shaken up, but none of them are badly injured. I guess we can go home now."  
  
"Oh, Ed! I'm so glad they're alright." Sheila ran a hand through her hair in a weary gesture that her fiancé did not miss.  
  
He took her arm and steered her out of the office. "Come on, sleepyhead," he said softly. "Time for bed."  
  
She gave him a lazy grin.  
  
Lt. Ford stopped them as they went through the control room. "Commander Straker, Capt. Waterman is refusing medical treatment. He says that he needs to speak to Col. Foster first."  
  
Straker got on the monitor to Moonbase. "What is the problem, Captain?"  
  
Lew's worried face filled the screen. "I need to speak to Paul Foster, Commander Straker. It's urgent."  
  
The commander frowned. "He went home hours ago, Captain. Can it wait until morning?"  
  
"No, sir. I really need to speak to him tonight."  
  
"I'll see what I can do," Straker said and broke the connection. He looked at Sheila and sighed. She hid a smile and walked with him back to his office to call Paul.  
  
Foster answered on the third ring. "What?" he demanded grumpily.  
  
Straker said, "I'm sorry, Colonel. Capt. Waterman is wanting to talk to you. He says it's urgent. How soon can you get here?"  
  
"Lew's okay?" Paul asked.  
  
"Yes. And so is the crew. But he insists on speaking to you. Do you know what it's about?"  
  
Col. Foster yawned. "Yeah. I know what he wants. Tell him she liked it."  
  
Straker raised a brow. "She liked it?"  
  
"Right," Paul said. "That's what he wants to know. G'night." And he hung up the phone.  
  
Straker looked at Sheila and said, "What on earth does that mean? She liked it."  
  
She remembered the earlier conversation with Ed's secretary and smiled enigmatically. "It's not important for us to know what it means. He'll know, and that's what counts."  
  
He sighed. "Why do I have the feeling that this has nothing to do with the performance of his duties?"  
  
She led him back into the control room to relay the message, saying, "Oh no, Ed. You're wrong. I'm certain that this news will greatly enhance his performance of his duties."  
  
  
  
ACT V  
  
Paul's Friday night party looked to be a great success. The room was crowded to overflowing with dancing people, the music was loud and obnoxious, and the host was wrapped in the arms of a truly wild piece of merchandise. The guest of honor lifted his brows at the sight of their gyrations during the dance and knew it wouldn't be long before Paul and his partner disappeared into a dark corner somewhere. Lew stood surrounded by several HQ girls who wanted to hear all about his daring escape from the clutches of death. He sipped his martini and watched the door, letting the chatter and the music go in one ear and out the other. Paul had promised him that Grace would be here tonight.  
  
It was after nine-thirty when she arrived. His heart immediately went into overdrive, and his palms got sweaty. But he was going to ask her to dance if it killed him. In spite of his resolve, it still took him ten minutes to move from his spot near the windows and approach her. "Hello, Grace."  
  
She looked up at him, her beautiful eyes wide and vulnerable. "Hello, Lew," she said.  
  
"Would you like to dance?" he asked, hearing the music change to a slow rock ballad. Grace nodded, and they went into each other's arms. Lew was surprised to feel her pulse racing under his hand as they danced. She seemed so outwardly cool and unaffected by his nearness. He wondered if he'd ever get the chance to know her well enough to see through that calm exterior. "I haven't seen you at one of Paul's parties in a long time," he said.  
  
She glanced up at him. "No, I haven't been to one since..." Since the night nine years ago when we danced and you took me home afterwards. "Since forever," she finished.  
  
"I've missed dancing with you."  
  
Her breath caught, and she gazed at him wordlessly, unable to think of a reply.  
  
The look in her eyes made it hard for him to think straight, but he kept a tight rein on himself, determined not to rush her and mess up a second time. "Paul said you liked Jemima Puddle-Duck."  
  
She smiled softly. Sheila had casually mentioned to her the fact that Capt. Waterman had refused to even let anyone tend his injuries until he knew what some girl had thought of his gift. Grace had answered equally casually, but she was fairly certain that the colonel had not been deceived. "It was very nice of you to get it for me, Lew. I wasn't aware that you could even buy them anymore."  
  
He looked a little sheepish. "Actually, I bought it some time ago. My aunt owned several out of the set, but gladly sold me Jemima. She said she'd never liked her much, because she was so silly." He didn't add that his aunt had been so pleased that he'd broken up with his fiancé that she would have given the figurine to him if he'd let her. None of his family had liked Clarisse.  
  
Grace said, "Jemima was silly. But she had a big heart." She met his eyes. "Why didn't you give it to me before, Lew?"  
  
He swallowed. "I was going to. On our second date." He gave a shrug. "But we never got to have one."  
  
"You wanted to see me again?"  
  
"Of course!" he said immediately. "I told you I would call you. And I saw you later that day. But you wouldn't speak to me."  
  
"I know," she said. "But your fiancé said..."  
  
"Fiancé?" Lew stopped dancing and looked searchingly at her. "You talked to Clarisse?"  
  
Grace nodded, trying not to recall the humiliation she had felt when she had answered the door that morning to find his fiancé standing there.  
  
Lew took her arm and led her to an overstuffed armchair near the corner. "Grace," he said when she was seated. "When did you speak to her?"  
  
"That morning. After you'd left."  
  
He shook his head, completely stunned. "I can't believe it! Grace, I had no idea."  
  
She shrugged, not wanting to make an issue of it now. "It's alright. Someone had said once that you were getting married. I had been warned. It's just that you didn't act like someone who was engaged that night, and I thought..."  
  
He laid a hand over hers in her lap. "Grace, I wasn't engaged. Not any longer. I had gotten tired of always finding other men's stuff among my things. I broke it off that afternoon. Hell, I wasn't even going to go to the party that night." His hand tightened around hers. "But I'm glad I did. You restored my faith in people, Grace. I'd been feeling pretty raw." He leaned down to kiss her hand. "I knew a world with you in it had to be a good place after all."  
  
Grace was glad she was sitting down. The things he was saying made her legs weak. This was the man, she realized, that had stolen her heart that fateful night. This wonderful man. And how sad it made her to realize that she had been blind to that truth all these years. He wasn't a cad. He wasn't a liar. He was the man of her dreams. And he'd been there all the time. If only she'd trusted her heart. "Lew, I'm sorry," she told him. "I should never have believed her. I don't know why I did."  
  
"What did she say to you, Grace?" he asked quietly.  
  
She shook her head. "Oh, she asked if you'd left your cigarette case there. She made it seem like a big joke; that you were always leaving it at different girls' houses. She said that she hoped to cure you of it once you were married."  
  
"Grace!" he said, shaken to the core.  
  
"Lew," she replied, going into his arms bravely. "I knew better. I knew you better. But I was afraid. You stepped right out of my dreams, and I found it hard to believe you could be real. I'm so sorry."  
  
"Don't, Grace," he said, holding her tightly. "What were you supposed to believe? I'm the one who's sorry. Sorry for allowing myself to get involved with such a person in the first place. Will you forgive me?"  
  
"Oh, Lew!"  
  
He grinned and kissed her trembling lips. "Grace, let's go somewhere quiet. There's so much we have to talk about. So much to catch up on."  
  
"My place isn't far," she said softly.  
  
Lew chuckled. Her house was way outside London. "It sounds perfect," he told her as they headed toward the door. He glanced around the room, hoping to catch Paul's eye and let him know his scheme had worked. But Foster was nowhere to be seen. Evidently, he'd already found that dark corner. Lew smiled at Grace as they left the noisy apartment behind and asked, "Do you think Jemima will be glad to see me?"  
  
* * *  
  
"This evaluation is unacceptable, Doctor."  
  
Jackson only knew that he'd angered General Shaw by the tightening of his lips. Those mild brown eyes gave nothing away. "I'm sorry, General. The tests are conclusive. Sheila Austin could be a danger to herself and the entire organisation if she is reinstated. My recommendations are clear."  
  
"Yes, I see them," said Shaw dismissively. "I am aware from your earlier report just what she endured on the Thoelian planet. And I realize that neither you nor Commander Straker felt she could handle that knowledge. Well, I think you're both wrong. They may not have our physical strength, Doctor, but when it comes to emotional courage, females leave us poor he- men in the dirt. You're a psychiatrist. You're as aware of this as I am. What really bothers you about her?"  
  
Dr. Jackson flicked a glance at the man behind the desk. "What she did to that alien leader could not be termed emotional courage, General Shaw."  
  
Shaw grinned. "It makes you nervous, doesn't it? Listen, Doctor. She admitted herself why it was necessary to go to such extreme lengths to get rid of him. And her reasoning was sound. Perhaps the execution itself demanded more than what she could sanely accomplish, but the human mind is a very flexible thing. She recovered enough to complete her escape, bear her child, and continue the war against them at their own front door. What can you call that other than emotional courage?"  
  
"Perhaps," conceded Jackson. "But there's no way to guarantee that something else won't trigger that state again in the future. She'd be like a ticking bomb just waiting to go off at a wrong word."  
  
The general shook his head. "You're underestimating her. We know exactly how she'll react in a pressure situation. She has shown us time and time again. When SHADO was endangered by a computer malfunction on Moonbase, her response was to put her life on the line to rectify the problem. When the aliens attacked Moonbase a few days later, she again put her life in jeopardy to save the others. And recently, when Commander Straker's life was in danger, she put aside her own understandable fears and did what was necessary to save his life. Yes, I would say we can safely predict how she'll respond in a given situation, Doctor."  
  
"I do not share your certainty, General."  
  
Shaw sighed. "Would you rather consider Straker's resignation?"  
  
Jackson looked sharply at him, meeting those mild eyes. After a moment, he glanced away. "I see. I suppose as an alternative, having her back at SHADO is the lesser of two evils. May I request that she be reevaluated on a regular basis?"  
  
"As long as it's not intrusive, Doctor."  
  
"Of course."  
  
* * *  
  
"Why did you connect that circuitry this way?" Virginia asked Col. Austin.  
  
Sheila frowned, looking hard at it. "I don't know. It just seemed like the right way to do it."  
  
Virginia nodded. "Well, it's not the standard way to do it, but you've increased the output by at least fifty percent. You wouldn't happen to know how to keep the processors from burning up twice as fast now, would you?"  
  
Sheila grinned and shook her head. "Sorry."  
  
"Oh, well. Maybe it'll come back to you."  
  
"Can I ask you a question?" Sheila said after a few minutes.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Why does Ed want this system set up this way? There are all kinds of feeds, but nowhere for them to go. If it's going to be a closed system, why are they necessary?"  
  
Virginia shook her head. "All I can assume is that he eventually means for it to be a part of the network. But just not for now." She shrugged. "I didn't ask him. But I can guarantee that he has a reason behind it." They worked in silence for a while, then Ginny asked, "Can I ask you a question?"  
  
Sheila grinned and said sassily, "Yes, the sex is great."  
  
Virginia sputtered out a laugh. "That's not what I was going to ask! I was wondering if he remembered anything from his time in the hospital?"  
  
Straker's fiancé nodded. "A little. Not much. Why? Has he said anything to you about it?"  
  
"No. And I'm terrified that he will. He's such a private person. He has to just hate it that we were all a part of bringing you in like that."  
  
Sheila shrugged. "Actually, I think he's more grateful than anything else. It's just hard for him to find the right words to cover that particular social situation."  
  
Virginia grinned. "I guess it would be difficult. There's no way to thank you for what you did, you know. You saved his life."  
  
Sheila met her eyes. "I know. It's scary to think that he could have died. I'm just thankful that you sent for me. Although I'm still not sure why you didn't have one of the other girls help instead. I can't believe that you would have had a problem getting volunteers."  
  
This was said so dryly that Virginia laughed again. "No, the problem would have been in explaining that we only needed one. But it had to be his mate. Didn't he tell you?"  
  
"Are you kidding? Ed? Volunteer information? You must be thinking of someone else." Sheila sat back with a wry smile. "So, why don't you tell me? What's a mate?"  
  
"A match, the perfect person for you. Like Chris and I. Or Alec and Delores."  
  
"Wow!" Sheila said with a shake of her head. "That's intense. Sort of Romeo and Juliet, in other words?"  
  
"Precisely."  
  
Sheila's eyes got misty. "And that's what we are? Perfect mates? No wonder I can't imagine anyone else. It's always been him, hasn't it?"  
  
"Probably," Virginia said. "Why would you want to imagine someone else?"  
  
Sheila grimaced. "Because there was. Only I don't remember."  
  
"Ouch!" Virginia said. "That would be tough. How does he feel about that?"  
  
"I don't know. He says it's alright, but he really doesn't want to hear anything about the past. So I'm not sure if he suspects something and doesn't want to go there, or if he really doesn't care."  
  
Virginia frowned. "But would it necessarily have to be someone on the alien planet? Maybe you had a lover before you came to SHADO?"  
  
Sheila grimaced again. "That's just it. I don't know. But I can't imagine that scenario. Ed is... he's everything."  
  
"Yeah." Virginia's eyes got dreamy. "Chris is like that. And I remember all of my lovers. But none of them even cross my mind now that I know Chris. He's just... so perfect for me."  
  
Later, when they were on break, Virginia asked, "What did you mean when you said that Ed doesn't want to know about the past?"  
  
Sheila frowned into her coffee cup. "He can't bear to know what I went through. He blames himself, you see, for my capture. It's what has made him so paranoid since I've met him again. He feels responsible, and it hurts too much for him to be able to deal with it."  
  
Virginia said, "But that's no help to you. What about when you remember something?"  
  
Sheila shrugged. "I don't know. He says he'll be there for me, but I highly doubt that he wants to hear about how well I remember the torture, let alone any of the incidentals."  
  
Ginny swallowed. "Is it very clear, Sheila?"  
  
"Just images, you know? Like, I had a nightmare once where I saw my intestines. Saw them, hanging there in front of me. And I don't think my imagination's vivid enough to come up with something like that on my own. So, it must be a memory, right?" She shrugged. "But who do I talk to about it? I have counselors that are good friends, but this is way out of their league. And I don't know if I can hold it all inside. I've never been one to internalize everything like Ed is. I'm a screamer. If you hurt me, not only will you know it, but so will everyone in hearing distance. I've thought of talking to Dr. Jackson. He says that we were friends before. But I don't know. I get the feeling that I make him nervous. So, I guess he wouldn't appreciate hearing about my intestines, would he?"  
  
They shared a grin at the squeamishness of men. Then Virginia said, "Listen, Sheila. I'm here. Anytime you need to talk about it, you come to me. I'm no psychiatrist, but I've got a good set of ears and a strong shoulder for crying on. Anytime. I mean it."  
  
Sheila's eyes misted up. "Thanks."  
  
Virginia pointed a finger at her, blinking back the moisture in her own eyes. "None of that, damn it! Being pregnant makes me emotional enough as it is. I refuse to turn into a watering pot."  
  
Sheila grinned. "That would shake Ed up, wouldn't it? For him to walk in the room and find us in tears? He'd be beside himself." The thought made her chuckle, and it wasn't long before Ginny joined her in laughing.  
  
"Oh, man!" Virginia said, tears of laughter running down her cheeks at the thought of their brave commander coming apart at the seams at the sight of two women crying. "I can see it now. We have got to try it sometime, just to see what he does!"  
  
Sheila was mopping her eyes. "The poor man! Aren't we vicious?"  
  
"Just terrible," Ginny agreed, still chuckling. She looked up as the cafeteria door opened and Commander Straker entered. And nearly fell off her seat laughing.  
  
He lifted a brow at the two of them as they laughed even harder. He had the impression that he was the butt of their joke, but he had no intention of asking what it was about. He would not want to have to suspend both his engineer and his fiancé for insubordination.  
  
* * *  
  
"Soft, what light from yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun."  
  
Grace opened her eyes and smiled up into Lew's dark ones. "My name is Grace," she said, just in case he had forgotten.  
  
He leaned down to kiss her. "Yeah, I know. But you don't have enough syllables to fit there."  
  
She sighed. "Well, I've heard a lot of complaints in my time. But no one's ever told me I don't have enough syllables before."  
  
He grinned. "Good. I wouldn't want to be like everyone else." He brushed her hair back from her face with a sigh of contentment. "Good morning, beautiful."  
  
"Hi," she said, feeling suddenly shy at the look on his face.  
  
"Grace, will you marry me? I mean, not today, or even next week. But soon. Once you get used to having me around?"  
  
She gave him a tender smile. "Oh, Lew. I don't know if I'd ever get used to you being around. I still can't believe that you're here. With me. And I'm not dreaming." She sighed softly. "But I want to marry you very much. Whenever you think is a good time."  
  
He gathered her close and showed her what he thought of such acquiescence. Later, he kissed the top of her head as she lay next to him and said, "I need to introduce you to my family. They're all loud and crazy people, but I think you'll like them anyway. And they will love you. That I can guarantee."  
  
"I'd like to meet your family, Lew," Grace said mistily, finding it a wonderful miracle that two star-crossed lovers such as themselves were actually going to have a happy ending, after all.  
  
  
  
EPILOGUE  
  
"I suppose that you're wanting to hear the story of Lilith?" Jasper asked Sheila after dinner.  
  
"Yes," she said, holding onto Ed's hand on the couch. She still felt a bit overwhelmed by the Williams'. They had been so surprised to meet her and so gracious to her. She realized that some of their kindness might be because of her likeness to their ancient queen, but it touched her just the same. It felt simply wonderful to suddenly be a part of a large and interesting family.  
  
Emily grinned at her from the opposite chair, where she sat Indian-fashion. She was wearing a hilarious Marvin the Martian t-shirt that featured the little alien wielding his explosive space modulator. The caption read, Make my day. "It figures that Ed would choose an unusual bride," she said with a grin. "But even I didn't expect someone like you."  
  
They had met earlier in the week at the studio. A special office had been set up for Emily near Straker's own office in the main building. In it had been put the complex computer system that Sheila and Virginia had been working on the week before. Only Emily and Miss Eeland had a key to the room. Sheila hadn't yet asked her cagey fiance what he was up to, but she was determined to find out sooner or later. However, she'd put off asking the question, because she wondered if he would tell her on his own. More than she wanted to know what was going on, she wanted him to trust her enough to open up to her. And so far he hadn't. But she knew it was early days yet.  
  
"I'm interested in how she met Adam," Straker told Emily's uncle. He still found that tidbit amazing.  
  
"Ah!" Jasper said with a twinkle. "That's the heart of the story! And we must begin at the beginning. Let me see. Once upon a time, Rigel was a thriving planet. Then something unusual happened. We went through a prolonged period of sunspot activity like nothing we had ever experienced before. It interfered with many of the planet's systems, but otherwise everything was all right. Then a strange thing began to happen among our people. All the males fell ill of an unknown ailment. Rigelian doctors worked long and hard to reverse the effects of the illness, but could not. First, the male children died, then the elderly. And finally, even the strongest and healthiest of our men died. It was a time of great mourning for our people.  
  
"Then it was noticed that even the males among our animals were failing. It seemed that the unusual sunspot activity had caused a deficiency in certain male genes that was fatal. We asked for help among neighboring worlds, and many came to assist us. But they too died. It seemed as though our people were doomed to extinction.  
  
"Then a ray of hope was found. Male babies born after the sunspot activity did not die. They grew healthy and strong. Evidently, whatever immunity the women possessed was passed on to their unborn children. Lilith was our queen, but she was young and untried. The people did not place much hope in her at this grim time in our history. But she consulted with the doctors and checked and rechecked the results of the tests on the babies. Eventually, she made a pronouncement to the people of Rigel. One that would change our world forever.  
  
"She said that since only males born of our women could survive this calamity, then it was necessary that we replenish our supply of male babies. She said that she intended to send one hundred of the finest maidens in all of Rigel out to other planets for the purpose of mating with men of those worlds and returning to Rigel to give birth to their children. The people were astonished and very disturbed by this plan. Who would be willing to sacrifice the love of a chosen man to come back to a world that he would never be able to visit? And bear a child alone? Surely the queen was asking too much!  
  
"But then Lilith made her most astonishing statement of all. Since the future of Rigel depended on the loyalty of the women sent out, she herself would go as well, to be an example for them all to return and save Rigel. She then officially stepped down from the throne, appointing her cousin in her stead. And the people thronged to the palace to be one of the maidens sent out with her.  
  
"One hundred of Rigel's finest young women were sent out over the next two months, to places as far away as Sirius and Montag. And Lilith went, as well. She was sent to Earth, a planet that very little was known about at the time. When she arrived, she found it a beautiful world, full of wondrous green plants and cascading waterfalls. But she found only one man here. His name was Adam. She did not question the strangeness of such a situation, perhaps because she was too enthralled by him to care about such things. She stayed many months, but finally could not pretend any longer that she was not with child. She left one night while he slept, unable to bear parting from him. You see, so ironic and twisted was fate that Adam was her match, her perfect mate.  
  
"You might say that she should have stayed with him, forgetting her ties to Rigel. But she was a queen, and she could not neglect her duty to her people. She returned to Rigel and bore a son. Her cousin was so moved by her sacrifice that she gave her back the throne, insisting that no one could serve Rigel better than one who had given her all for the good of them all. When news of her courage and sacrifice reached the ears of the other maidens, every last one of them returned to Rigel to bear their children. Our planet survived that crisis because of one woman's vision and courage. Rigel now carries the genes of many different worlds throughout its population. But Earth will always be the favorite place for those of us who have descended from Lilith. It just feels more like home."  
  
Sheila had a question. "What about men from other worlds? Is it still fatal for them to go to Rigel?"  
  
"No, my dear," answered Jasper. "Approximately four millennia ago, our scientists found a way to protect those on the surface of Rigel from the harmful effects of our sun. In fact, we've become a major center of trade and commerce in the sector." His dark eyes twinkled. "You must visit there someday. I can assure you of an exuberant welcome."  
  
Straker put an arm around her and drew her closer. "Perhaps, Jasper," he said firmly. "But not anytime soon."  
  
"Why not?" asked Emily. "I think it would be cool if your baby was born there."  
  
Sheila grinned, but Straker said, "Don't you start!"  
  
Emily stuck her tongue out at him. 


End file.
